Victoria Padilla (b.1999)
Splash of Grief, 2019
Film
Artist Statement
Grief is dealt with differently as it varies from person to person. Though there are stages which have been defined as part of the grieving process, there is no specific order for this. D.A.B.D.A symbolizes the stages of grief and allow us to better understand what a person may be going through when grieving. Denial, acceptance, bargaining, depression, and anger are the stages that we may experience when grieving. It is not unlikely to go back and forth between these stages when facing grief.
“Splash of Grief” is a performance piece where I am expressive of how the grieving process has impacted me over the years. By using the colors purple, red, blue, black and green in my work, I am using color symbolism to define each stage. Throughout the duration of the video, I can be seen going back and forth in between different stages as one does not follow a particular order through the grieving process.
April of 2016, my mother was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer which had spread from her breasts, to her spine and within her chest. 363 days later, she lost her battle to cancer after fighting as hard as she could. My younger brother who was 9 years of age at the time while I was 17 years of age had to grow up much sooner than expected. We were orphaned and left to grieve without the love and care of the only person in our lives that had tried her best to support us.
At the end of the Spring semester of this year, my uncle fell comatose and I fled town the moment I was informed. I spent a week along side of him with his eldest son and doing so opened up a lot of old wounds and memories I thought I suppressed well enough up to that point. Being at his bedside, talking to him and trying to bring him back reminded me of the emotions I felt when my mother was at the point of no return and the feeling was too familiar. After his passing, it was difficult to fully understand how inexplicable incidents happen as quick and as unwarranted as they do.
Since my mother’s initial diagnosis in April of 2016 up to present day, I have struggled to shake the feeling of grief on a daily basis. I am convinced that it will not go away, but I know I will learn how to manage the emotions and thoughts that come along with the grieving process in due time. “Splash of Grief” was a therapeutic method to help channel the emotions and thoughts I have suppressed for quite some time. I feel as though expression through therapeutic methods are helpful, as they help you acknowledge and reflect on what is often times suppressed.
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